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Badlands mike snow 2013 SD

Drunk Cowboy

By Matthew Monfore April 5, 2021, photo by Mike Snow of mikesnow.org
This is a parody about a cowboy that comes to Jesus (scroll down)

Read True Story of Governor Joes Foss
If you want to read a REAL story about a REAL “John Wayne” who was governor of South Dakota, was sinful, a war hero, AND gave his life to Jesus later on, then read this: jesusiskingmission.co/blog/south-dakotas-born-again-former-governor-and-war-hero-joe-foss/

The Conversion of Cowboy Cal

Drunken “man of god”
Calvin the Cowboy was a stud! He could spit chew further than most toddlers could throw. Didn’t ya hear? Some people thought he had 2 stomachs with the amount of alcohol he could put down. Sure, he had “some religion” in there as well…not counting all of the blasphemies (speech dishonoring God’s name) that came out of his mouth when he was riding a bronc or rounding up the cattle. No (get this), he had a gold cross underneath his shirt AND a tattoo of the cross on his right pectoral muscle, which was the side of his lasso-throwing arm (it wasn’t enough to enter rodeo competitions on a wing and a prayer, he wanted to make sure “the man upstairs” was aware that this roping man was dedicated to “god”.

His Kind of “church”
Sure, the man never heard a good sermon inside a church building, but that’s okay, as far as he was concerned he was closer to “god” out on the prairie while he popped tabs on “cold ones” and listened to George Strait.

With the ladies
How manly was he?!? He was now on his 4th wife, and only aged 40 (we haven’t even mentioned all of those side “relationships”). He figured since he was a “stud”, that it was his duty to make several families. Who needs Christian education on sexual morality? An animal didn’t seem to have sel-control, so why should he? After all, his proud-and-tough attitude had landed him the title “beast” that painted him as the alpha male. He had perfected his tactics for the rodeo dance and music in the evening: get a woman drunk, act nice to the parents (if present), and then the woman was all his!

Fightin’ Cowboy
Cowboy Cal would get in fights here and there, after all, he wanted to show everyone “he was no sissy”. He may have bloodied a few, but that didn’t bother him, becuase he was “stickin’ up for his-self” and “showing people who’s boss” – ya know, like you do with horses and cattle and stuff. When Cal road home, he was usually drunk by the time he hit the dirt (roads), but he wasn’t worried, no “law” was within a mile or two of his land as far as he was concerned. It didn’t occur to Cal that his activities would catch up with him, but they would if something didn’t CHANGE….

Cal Hears the Truth
One night a preacher preached the gospel at a county rodeo, and Cal, who was used to boring “pastors” and “clowns” was drawn to the stadium to listen. This man was different: He talked about God “being the boss”, and that ladies were more than something to be devoured by one’s sexual appetite (pornography and pre-marriage sex were sin), that one was not supposed to lie or steal (even if it was to the government or some city-slickin’ loser). That God would bring all people to account at the Judgment, like Cowboy Cal rounds up livestock for the “Sale”. Hell would be the destiny of the damned, and heaven was only for those who “shoot straight”- get right with God.

Buckles and Saddles
It didn’t matter if Cowboy Cal had won enough buckles and saddles to fill a stable (and decorate the Christmas tree), because they all amounted to the manure that covered the cattle pen in God’s site…God wouldn’t be charmed by Cal’s smile or cowboy hat, nor did God care how many pounds Cal’s truck could haul. Cal had to turn from his sins and follow Jesus. Only Jesus could pay for Cal’s sins through His death on a Roman cross, burial, and resurrection. God would change Cal like “puttin’ a new engine inside the old gal [The Ford]”.

Well, thankfully, Cal let God clean him up, and Cal would tell YOU to do the same. God IS good, Beer-addiction is not Great, and people are more than smiply crazy [they are sinful]. So, Trust in the Lord!